New MMDA Sign

Courtesy of Bayani fernando. May angal ka?!

Wala Na

Wala akong intensyon manakit. Subalit kung gugustuhin ng tadahana na muli tayong magkita, wala akong magagawa. Ngunit wag mong aasaahan nasa ating pagtatagpo ay magiging ayos ang lahat. Kausapin mo ko, kakausapin kita. Tanungin mo ko, sasagutin kita, ngunit hanggang dun lang yun. Ang nakaraan ay isang kasaysayan na di na maaaring balikan. Tapos na ang lahat sa atin.

Muddle Up Emotion

Last Wednesday, June 3 to be exact, i went back to Batangas, my hometown. I left Olongapo around 5′oclock PM expecting to arrive on Batangas by 10PM. But my plan was ruined by goddamn and holy shit traffic. I reached Batangas 12midnight. Woah! No more PUJ so I decided to ride on a tricycle. What my temper made more worsen that night was the fucking tricycle driver. He wanted me to pay 150 pesos.  Would you imagine 150, come on. What the hell this asshole was thinking, ‘am a reach kid? But I have no choice, oops, fuck me! “I have no choice” are not my words, man. Well it’s my philosophy that we always have our choice, that we just choose what will make us comfortable and convenient, that life is just a matter of yes or no. Anyway, I rode with that shit tricycle to go home with bitter feelings.

The real reason why I went to our place was because it was fiesta. I remember last year, it was my first time to be away with my family in an occasion since I have to work somewhere here in SBMA. My mom really whimpered and I loathed that so I promised that it won’t be happened again (so dramatic, haha).

On the day of the rainy fiesta, that was Thursday my cousin invited me in an inuman with our other pinsan and barkadas. That is the usual scene, the barikan, when we are together, Tatak Batangueño! LOLS:p. We slurped spree in the house of one of our tropa who is already in London to feel he was also banging with us (we really miss you, dude).  I was very intoxicated that I didn’t know how I got home. I woke up laid on my bed, annoying with the noise. It was my ate. She was very grumpy because I vomited out in my bed. Oh shit, so gross! Haha… After I heard some sermon after that incident, they informed me that my Nanay (grandmother) already passed away. Though I expected that to be happened, the last time I saw her I knew her time was coming to an end, still I was in shocked. “Si Nanay talaga hindi pa humirit kay Lord na kung pwede kinabukusan na lang sya kunin, hay”.I felt guiltiness inside because while I was celebrating, my Nanay was in the state of dying. On her final wake, that was the first time I looked her after she was put on coffin. I bid goodbye to her though our relationship wasn’t close that much, still I thanked her for without her my father wasn’t here and blacksword24.wordpress.com won’t exist.

I can say that vacation taught me a lot. Life brings us joy and pain. Life is too short that we should value it day by day. I learned also to drink moderately to avoid vomiting on my bed, haha.

Time Heals

In the verged of my loneliness, I found you, and you said you found me too. We experienced the same heartache that we don’t deserve. As I walked with you, the feeling of pain is healing little by little, as if you are the medicine that heals and fades the ache. We didn’t talk too much but we were comfortable in that way. We knew that behind that silence, we understand each other. “I am happy to be with you”. I said. You didn’t reply instead you held my hand and you smiled politely. I smiled back and touched your face. Everyday I learned that you are special. Like a sweetest drug that so hard to ignore. I know in my heart you are the one who will truly complete the emptiness of me, the one who will hold my hand until the rest of forever.

Then one day you made a confession, a confession that I don’t want to hear. You said that you still love him and you want him to be back. After hearing that, I was shocked. I couldn’t control my tears to fall. I wanted to explode. I wanted to run away, to skip. But I couldn’t move where I stand. I just stared at you as my tears still flowing from eyes. I wanted to shout to ask you why. I couldn’t open my mouth to tell you how much I really care about you, that I can’t lose you, that I truly love you. Then you walked away leaving me behind. On that day you left, it was like the world turned its back to me. I didn’t know where to turn to. It was so hard to wake up in the morning knowing without you in my life. I went back to the places we had been expecting you were there. But I found no you. I tried to go on but it’s your memory still lingering. I went to another relationship but still it was you I was looking for.

But the fact that time can heal the pain, now I moved on. I learned from yesterday. And I dwell for today. I leave the rage behind. I know I cannot totally discard you from my life. No matter how self centered and conceited you are for leaving me, I know deep in my heart I will always love you. I know it’s craziness but if you come back, no second thought I will accept you

I Am Hurt, I Am Sorry

Wooh! It is my first time to write on a blog. To tell you honestly I don’t know what to say. There are lot of things popping on my mind but I don’t know how to convey them. That’s one of the problem about me, expressing my thoughts. It’s kinda hard for me to tell to other people what I really feel. That’s why sometimes I just keep it to myself or i just write it on a note. And now this is what I am doing, I write it here. These past few days there are lot of things happened. They are really driving me crazy. I just can’t carry the weight on my chest. It’s pulling me down. And I don’t like that shit! There are lot of pressures. On work, on love life on everything. Wooh!
I broke up with my girl. I thought this is what I want but I’m wrong. As time passing by, I am hurting. I am terribly guilty though I know this is really not my fault. There are things have been going on my mind those times that i overlooked her. Must I completely discard her on my life?And the answer is yes. I think I made the right decision no matter how self centered and conceited my reasons are. I know it will make her happy. As of this time I don’t have any regrets the time I spent to her. I felt true happiness though it came to an end. I can’t blame her that she have rage in her heart towards me. She can’t blame me also if I did this. We both know what really are the reasons of this ending.
Well anyway I just wish that this note can somehow help to loosen the tightness I feel in my chest. I respect her to be furious about me but I hope that she will relish the moment we have spent together. And I am looking forward for a brand new friendship after this.

Here’s the photo of us. Though we seperated our ways, still she became  part of my life.